A man starts his first day as a trainee at a big corporate empire. Feeling bold, he picks up the phone and dials the pantry. “Get me a coffee, quickly!” he demands.

But—oops! He didn’t dial the pantry.

A voice on the other end snaps back, “You fool! You’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you even know who you’re talking to, dumbo?!”

“No,” the trainee replies.

The voice on the other end huffs, “It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”

The trainee thinks for a second, then shouts back, “And do you know who YOU’RE talking to, you fool?!”

The CEO, now totally confused, asks, “No, who?”

The trainee replies, “Good!” and hangs up.

Johnny asks for a new job
Johnny walks into a general store, goes to the owner, and asks for a new job.

The owner says, “Do you think you are a good salesman?”

Johnny says, “I don’t know. I think so.”

The owner says, “I’ll tell you what. The next customer comes in, you watch me. If you think you can do what I’m doing, you’ve got a new job!”

A customer comes in a few minutes later.

The owner says, “Can I help you?”

The customer says, “Yes. I want to buy a bag of grass seed.”

“No problem,” Says the owner looking for a bag of grass seed. “Do you think you might want a lawnmower with that?”

“Lawnmower?” says the customer

“Yes,” Says the owner. “If you plant that grass seed, you’re gonna have a lot of grass to cut. You may also want to buy a lawnmower too.”

The customer thinks it’s a great idea and accepts.

The owner sells him the grass seeds and the lawnmower, and the customer leaves.

The owner turns to Johnny and says, “See that? That’s selling! The guy wanted some grass seeds and I sold him a lawnmower too! Do you think you can do that?”

Johnny says, “Yeah, he can do that.”

So the owner says, “Great. The next customer who comes in is yours. I will just stand here quietly and watch. We will see how you do. ”

A few minutes pass by and another customer enters.

Johnny says, “Can I help you?”

The customer says, “Yes. I want to buy a box of Tampax for my wife.”

“No problem,” says Johnny as he reaches for the box of Tampax.

“Do you think you might want a lawnmower with that?”

“Lawnmower?” says the customer.

“Yeah,” says Johnny.

“You’re not going to be doing anything else for the next 7 days, you might as well cut the grass!”

LOL!!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!

The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

“That laundry is not very clean,” she said.

“She doesn’t know how to wash correctly.

Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”

Her husband looked on but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: “Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.

I wonder who taught her this?”

The husband said, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

LOL!!

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married.

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about.

The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem.

His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast.

His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance.

The son thought about this and went along happily.

The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem

Her morning breath was horrid.

Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath.

The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world.

The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea.

She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and not say a thing, go make breakfast, and then brush her teeth while the others are eating.

The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy

The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences.

One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing.

He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what’s wrong.

With a look of shock on his face, the young man says, “OH MY GOD! You’ve swallowed my sock!”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

Bert squints and says, “What’s that?”

“I said I’m proud of you. You’ve always been such a loving husband.”

Bert nods and says, “Well, I’m tired of you too!”

Martha huffs rolls her eyes, and mutters, “I swear, Bert, if your hearing gets any worse, I’m just going to start talking about you instead of to you.”

Bert grins and says, “Already do that, dear. You just don’t know it.”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

An old man placed an order for one hamburger

An elderly couple entered a restaurant and ordered a single meal which consisted of a hamburger, french fries, and a single drink.

When the meal arrived, the man cut the hamburger in half and placed one part of it in front of his wife.

He then did the same with the french fries and placed the drink in between.

They both took sips one by one.

While the man had his piece of the hamburger, his wife was just sitting there watching him eat.

A man who noticed them decided to approach them and offered to buy them another meal, but the elderly man said, “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”

As he continued eating, his wife was patiently waiting and was taking sips now and then.

The man who was at the restaurant approached them once again and offered to at least buy them another drink.

The elderly man refused once again saying that he and his wife share everything.

Finally, when the husband finished eating and wiped his mouth, the man who was observing them approached them for the third time because he couldn’t help but learn why the woman was waiting for her husband to eat.

He got closer and asked her: “What is that you are waiting for?”

The wife replied, “The TEETH.”

Thanks to the wife’s obsession with healthy diets and exercise, they had been in great shape for the last decade.

St. Peter greeted them warmly and led them to their heavenly mansion—complete with a huge bedroom, Jacuzzi, gourmet kitchen, and even a billiards table.

“Wow! How much does this cost?” the husband asked.

“Nothing,” St. Peter replied. “This is Heaven—everything is free!”

Next, he showed them a championship golf course just minutes from their home, where they could play anytime, have an angel as a caddy, and enjoy a course that changed daily to mimic the world’s most elite greens.

“Incredible!” the wife said. “And the green fees?”

“Free,” St. Peter chuckled. “This is Heaven.”

Then, they toured a five-star restaurant featuring an all-you-can-eat feast—Wagyu beef, lobster, prime rib, exotic vegetables, and desserts straight from a dream.

The husband, still skeptical, asked, “Okay… but how much?”

“Sir, for the last time… FREE. This is Heaven!”

The husband hesitated. “Well… do you have any low-fat, low-cholesterol options?”

St. Peter laughed. “In Heaven, you’ll never gain weight or get sick. Eat whatever you want!”

Suddenly, the husband turned red, clenched his fists, and started shouting at the sky.
“What’s wrong??” his wife asked, confused.

He pointed at her and yelled, “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! If it weren’t for your damn bran muffins and paleo chicken, WE COULD HAVE BEEN HERE TEN YEARS AGO!!!

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
An Old Man Decides to Prove His Wife Isn’t Having Hearing Problems.

An elderly guy notices that his wife is having difficulty hearing.

He attempts to convince her to take a hearing test, but she refuses.

He decides to show her that something is amiss with her hearing.

He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, switches it on, and yells below, knowing she’s in the kitchen. “Honey, what’s for supper?”

No response.

He went downstairs and yelled. “Honey, what’s for supper?” Still no response.

He entered the living room and yelled again. “Honey, what’s for supper?”

No response.

He even stands just outside the kitchen and yells.

“What’s for supper?” and yet no response.

Finally, he stands directly behind her and asks, “Honey. What’s for supper?!”

She turns around and says “Damn!t Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

The husband is slouched on the couch, glued to a football game.

During a commercial break, his wife says, “Honey, can you change the lightbulb in the hallway after the game?”

He smirks and replies, “Do I look like a damn electrician?”

A few days later, she says, “The fridge door’s busted. Can you fix it?”

He shrugs, “Do I look like a damn appliance repairman?”

She tries one more time: “At least fix the broken step by the front door? Someone’s going to break their neck!”

He scoffs, “I’m not a damn carpenter either! What do I look like, Home Depot? I’m going to the pub!”

A few hours (and beers) later, guilt kicks in. He stumbles home expecting the house to be in pieces—but surprise!

The hallway light is on.

The fridge door works.

The step is fixed.

Shocked, he asks,

“How did all this get done?”

His wife says, “Well, after you stormed out, I sat outside and cried. A nice young man walked by and asked what was wrong. When I told him, he said he’d fix everything if I either baked him a fancy cake… or s.l.ept with him.”

The husband stares at her. “So… you baked him a cake?”

She looks him dead in the eyes: “Do I look like a damn pastry chef?”

Boom. Roasted.

A happily married couple had only one major issue in their relationship

This story doesn’t make you cry laughing, let me know—I’ll say a prayer for you.

A happily married couple had only one major issue in their relationship: the husband’s morning routine of farting like a foghorn.

Every day, his wife would wake up to the thunderous blasts, gasping for air as the noxious fumes made her eyes water.

“Please, for the love of all things holy, STOP!” she begged him daily.

“I can’t help it,” he’d say. “It’s totally natural!”

She warned him, “One day, you’re going to blow your guts out.”

The years rolled by, and so did his morning explosions. Then came Christmas morning. As the wife was preparing the turkey, she stared at the pile of innards—gizzard, liver, neck, and all—and a brilliantly wicked idea struck her.

She crept upstairs, where her husband was still snoozing, gently pulled back the covers, and ever so carefully tipped the entire bowl of turkey guts into his underwear before tucking him back in.

A while later, the house shook with his usual morning eruption—only this time, it was followed by a bloodcurdling scream. The sound of frantic footsteps pounded toward the bathroom.

The wife collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.

Twenty minutes later, the husband emerged, pale as a ghost, in his now blood-streaked underwear. His face was a mask of horror.

Trying to keep a straight face, his wife asked, “What happened?”

He gulped. “Honey… you were right. All these years, you warned me, but I never listened.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, barely holding it together.

“Well… it finally happened. I farted my guts out.”

He shuddered, then added, “But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers… I think I got most of them back in.”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

“I send gifts, greeting cards, and checks to my grandchildren,” complains one, “and still they barely visit me!”
The second old lady said, “Oh, I also send checks to my grandchildren, and they visit me all the time!”

“You are so fortunate to have more grateful grandchildren than my own,” said the first one sadly.

The second old lady smiled: “No, my grandchildren are about as grateful as yours.”

“So what do YOU do different? Are your checks bigger than mine?” Asked the first one, surprised.
“No,” chuckled the other old lady, “I just don’t sign mine.”

Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table

Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting old.

The first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.”

The second lady says, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”

The third one says, ” Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have any of those problems, knock on wood.”

As she hit her knuckles on the table she looked up and said, “That must be the door… I’ll get it!”

LOL!!

As she sipped her wine, a strikingly handsome man walked in, radiating confidence.

He took a seat a few stools down, and she couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was—so much so that she found herself staring.

After a moment, the man caught her eye. With a charming smile, he stood and approached her.

Before she could apologize for staring, he leaned in and, with a smooth, velvety voice, said, “I’ll do anything you want—anything you can imagine, no matter how wild or unusual. I’ll make it happen. All I ask is $50 in cash. And there’s one more condition.”

Still in shock, she managed to ask, “What’s the condition?”

He smiled knowingly and leaned closer. “You have to tell me what you want in just three words.”

The woman paused, her mind racing. Then, with a calm expression, she reached into her purse, pulled out $50, and placed it in his hand.

Looking him straight in the eye with a sly grin, she slowly said, “Mow my lawn.”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store

An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday night with a beautiful young girl by his side.

He told the jeweler he wanted a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and found a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, “No, I would like to see something special.”

The jeweler went to his special stock in the safe and brought another ring back.

“This one’s $40,000.”

The young woman’s eyes were sparkling, and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man said, “I’ll take it!”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made, and the old man said, “By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good. I’ll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds. I’ll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon.”

On Monday morning, the jeweler from the jewelry store called the old man and said, “There is no money in that account!”

The old man said, “I know, I know, but let me tell you about the weekend I just had!

LOL!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!

They were seated by a cheerful host who gestured at the minimalist table and said, “Just scan the QR code for the menu. Let me know if you need anything!”

“QR what?” Henry muttered, already pulling out his bifocals. Margaret leaned in, squinting at the little square of dots and lines printed on a small acrylic stand. “It’s one of those digital things,” she whispered, as if afraid the table might overhear.

“I don’t want to scan anything,” Henry grumbled, waving his phone like it was an ancient relic from the time when people used phones to talk. “Can’t we just get a normal menu?”

But there were no menus. No paper. No pictures. No “today’s special” listed in lovely cursive. Just the glow of your own phone, illuminating options in tiny print.

After a few fumbles and sighs, Margaret managed to pull up the menu and read it aloud, acting as Henry’s reluctant translator in the strange land of kale reductions and truffle aioli. They eventually settled on two light entrées and a shared dessert, mostly for the novelty of it all.

When the meal was done, the young waiter returned with the bill, once again through the portal of their phones.

“Would you like to pay now?” the waiter asked politely.

Henry, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye—the same one that had gotten him out of many jams and into even more adventures—nodded solemnly. “Absolutely.”

He tapped his phone with a flourish and turned the screen toward the waiter.

Displayed proudly was an image of a crisp $100 bill.

“There,” Henry said with a sly smile. “And you can keep the change.”

A group of 40-year-old mates discussed where they should meet for dinner.

Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there had low cut blouses and were very young.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

But he froze for a moment, his body stiff with surprise. Not rejection—just the awkwardness of a soul unused to such sudden warmth.

She pulled back quickly, reading his hesitation with immediate concern.

“Oh—oh no,” she said, her voice soft with worry. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to offend you.”

He looked at her, eyes wide, cheeks tinged with the blush of boyish charm. And then, a slow, shy smile crept across his face as he took a step back.

“No,” he said gently, “I’m not offended at all.”

He turned, already heading down the porch steps.

“I’m going for more flowers.”

An absent-minded husband thought

he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary.

He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, Your loving husband.

His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until next year, on their anniversary, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly,

“Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”

Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office.
A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them.

On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.

As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.

When he saw me, he shouted: “Are those potato chips?”

Who doesn’t enjoy good jokes? I know I love them, because they can easily brighten my day.Some jokes are old as gold, and the following one certainly falls into that category. No matter how many times I’ve heard it, I always find it fun.

A man arrived home earlier that expected from work. When he went upstairs, he saw his wife lying flat on the bed, struggling to catch her breath.Worried, he approaches her and asks her what she is doing “Err,” she stutters. “I… um… I think I’m having a heart attack!”

The man rushes downstairs and calls 911, urging them to come as quickly as possible.

At that moment, he notices his son crying. “What’s wrong, son,” he asks, to what the boy replies, “Uncle James is in the closet with no clothes on, Daddy.”Furious, the man returns to the bedroom, opens the closet’s door, and finds his brother inside naked, just as his son told him.